For us we did a lot of research and talked to people we trusted implicitly about their experience. Life experience is better than any book you can read. Talking to friends and family was the best prep. Clearly, my best friend is the polar opposite when it comes to creating and implementing a birth plan. I used this to my advantage and I had the benefit of Melly’s home birth to compare complete opposite environments. We made some important additions to our plan based on her home birth which made us so happy! While others blew our minds and were a pleasure to walk into our Park Ave OBGYN office with questions she MADE (yes I was strong-armed) me ask him. Even though I knew there was absolutely noway I would ever do most. It became a fun game to shock my doctor with the questions because he wasn’t sure if we were going to fight him into using them. Further confusing the situation for him I say “dude”a lot. A lot a lot. Pregnancy made me lose all formalities with most of the medical field thus leading me to call my doctor “dude”. He wasn’t sure where I stood on a lot of the inquiries had. I loved going into his office with my little spreadsheet (yep I am a spreadsheet whore) of questions. The conversations would go something like “dudeyou are NEVER going to believe what my hippie friend wants me to ask you today.Is XYZ possible?” We would chat and he would sway from laughter, infuriation to one question leading him down a very serious medical procedure discussion about organs. I found such pleasure in these moments and would typically smile and laugh out loud during my walk home. People would look at me like I was one of the Central Park drunk-crazies with real problems because I was pregnant. It was FANTASTIC!
The day the boy was born there was an earthquake in the city (for real I am not exaggerating), one day or so later the Yankees pounced the OaklandA’s 22-9 with record breaking three grand slams in one game and the day we brought him home from the hospital there was a hurricane in the city. We knew God via Mother Nature was letting us know the roar of the earth, crack of the baseball bat and whip of the wind would be the pace to which our life would be set. We were ready for the ride. Then we arrived home. We said over and over…can you believe they just let us take him home? And we would both stare at the little pretty person and melt. It was surreal. Life had begun and we needed to be prepared…
We began chit-chatting with my girlfriends and other mothers. It is invaluable for us and a part of parenting we still practice. Bouncing what works and what hasn’t for our near-and-dears is a great way for us to try things we may not have thought of. When all else fails, we consult our favorite most extraordinary pediatrician Dr.Similon at Park Avenue Pediatrics. If you live in the city you must use him. He isa listener. I need to speak my crazy-first-time parent nonsense and have someone listen. He listens. He is also wonderful with babies, does not throw medication at you, and speaks French and several other languages. This was perfect for our family because when the crazy-train was roaring down the tracks because the baby had a hangnail. My husband could tell him something in quickly French so I couldn’t understand to ease the situation. We love Dr. Similon. And don’t kid yourself he was on speed dial and consulted FREQUENTLY from across the pond.
More than a year and a half later the events of the week monpetit lapin entered this world seem like amateur hour compared to the chaos our life has been. We travel ALL the time. By all the time I mean ALL THE TIME. With this we are running schedule free zone free for all. Our one area we shine is food, dining, and outdoor play. Sleep is our Achilles heel. My husband should have been in charge of sleep in our house but we (and by we…I mean me) breastfed so he was typically entering REM for the night while the momma and me freak show was getting underway. When I chat with my friends I am in awe of their baby’s ability to sleep. We are caught in the trifecta of confusion regarding sleep. First, I was terrified ofSIDs when he was born. He slept in a bassinet and mini-crib in our bedroom until he was almost a year old. (Yeah roll your eyes. Don’t care.) If I was not watching him sleeping the video monitor by hovering over him. I was freaking out he was not breathing and had to put my finger under his nose or place my hand on his chest to make sure he was. (Again, don’t care) We had a video monitor—which we clearly did not need—I used it while he was sleeping across the room from us. I drove my husband insane! Every move or noise the baby made I grabbed him and took him to his room to rock him back to sleep. This all meant I never slept. I need sleep. The kraken is childs play compared to me functioning without sleep. It was a vicious cycle of hovering and sleep deprivation—all while being in a small bedroom and a half New York City apartment. Second, we really love the idea of co-sleeping and the benefits of it long term; yet conflicted by the actual sleeping arrangements which include being bullied out of our bed by a sideways-sleeping-head-butting infant. Cry it out wants me want to vomit. After a few months of the tilt-awhirl to crazyland I consulted my other favorite pediatrician, Dr. Sears. He gets me. It is like God made Dr. Sears for me, crazy pants. He makes me feel like I am not screwing up my child irrevocably. My favorite piece I have ever read of his pinpoints our situation. He said (and I am paraphrasing) if you have a “high expectation persistent personality” (actual term he used) child…cry it out will notwork. In fact, it will teach your child he cannot rely on you or maybe it’s how I interrupted it but it was very close. High Expectations. Check. Persistent personality. Check. Insane momma. Check. At this moment the heavens opened, angels sang and S began sleeping with us without the guilt. We chat with so many people to get their opinions on sleep we are desperate for knowledge and sneaky tactics on how to get more than two or three hours of consecutive sleep a night. We hear everything from “youare going to have to do cry it out at some point” to “oh it’s barbaric. We never did the cry it out method.”
Lastly, with our move to London we entered a whole new world of parenting. Europe is fantastic for raising children which I will get to another day. New country means new culture means new parenting philosophies. Being married to a Frenchmen we began spending much more time in France with his family. During our trips I was introduced to “the pause” and the concept of teaching your baby to “do his nights”. Now, I am from Columbus, Ohio. My family is as American as the flag which we pledge allegiance to and fly with pride. European parenting was a completely new world, literally, for me. I LOVE most of it but “the pause” is the most genius parenting tactic I had ever heard of (in moderation of course). Sadly for mon ange the ship had sailed on implementing "the pause". We were seven to eight months into our psycho-momma sleep program and the boy took his firm high expectation persistence personality to threat level red. Thus it was decided. Our world is officially ruled by a tiny little gorgeously delicious dictator. This little genius has thought us how to parent him. We are not perfect but he is happy—like ear to ear happy with the most incredible smile. I love talking to other parents and hearing the same stories and finding peace in figuring out that we all are different and what works for one family doesn’t work for another. Happy babylove is a tireless struggle but well worth the effort from Lenox Hill to today. My world is extraordinary because the little earth-shatterer is in it.
Off to another day of life lessons. More later…D
Please explain "the pause" and why you didn't tell me about it 8 months ago... And yes, I completely strong armed you. :) xo melanie
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